i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
