Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
