What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
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thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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