I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
