okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
