i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
