i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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