You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
