K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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