He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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