friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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