my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
now i know why i became what i already was.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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