she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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