Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize