Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just high enough for therapy.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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