I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just invented taco cereal.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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