This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Who did Billy Mays play for?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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