Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm both gender and math confused
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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