hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
PANTIES FOUND
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