Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
