i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
