I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i believe in u and ur pee
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
