I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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