I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
