so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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