I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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