I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
