I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
