he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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