Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
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ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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