similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
