we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
