He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
