Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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