I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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