I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
