i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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