I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
