So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
