Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
