So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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