I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
