a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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