going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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