More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
