a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I wear drunk well.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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