My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
