At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
