Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
