well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
