I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
These tits shall not be calmed
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