We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
