We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
