if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
