I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
