im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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