hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
