So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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