I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
