and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize