3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
