If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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