i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
