Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
PANTIES FOUND
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