I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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