he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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