Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
