Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
