never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
