your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
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