Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
