How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
