My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
