He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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