And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't think brook has ever known best
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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