I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
