PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
