omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
