When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
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I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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