Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
where does the pee come out of this thing
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
