i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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